


this isn’t love

by VPT



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 09:34:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VPT/pseuds/VPT





	this isn’t love

There should be more than one word for love. 

They had been drinking, way too much for their old bones, vodka replacing they blood. But they didn’t care. The moment was here, with Boris by his side and that was all that mattered. 

Boris had been cold these days, they both had been. Cold and weak as they sat together on the small bed in Valery’s apartment. He didn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep, too many things on his mind, haunting it. They have saved God knows how many lives and some would even call them heroes for what they’ve done. Those firefighters, miners, soldiers, plant workers, everybody there too. But heroes never had a happy ending. They kept fighting and fighting for others people until they couldn’t anymore. Until they either gave up or died and in their case: painfully, unimaginable death. 

Valery considered them lucky. Even if Boris would wake up in the middle of the night, coughing, choking, tears and snots on his face, lungs running out of breath. They have gotten off easy. And they still have each others. That was more than enough. 

“Valera.” Boris whispered, half asleep, nose buried in his shoulder, breathing in slowly, deeply. “Oh, Valera.” 

Saying ‘I love you’ didn’t feel enough. ‘Love’ wasn’t enough for what they had, for what they had sacrificed, for what they were facing. And ‘love’ was powerless in the face of reality. It couldn’t save them. 

“Yes, Borja?” Their voices had changed, not like what they had been so many memories ago. Rougher, older, more tired. 

“I don’t want to go.” And Boris’ hands were on him, slow and tender, exploring places they had been before. And Valery closed his eyes when warm lips were on him. Boris’ kisses were unlike him, they weren’t harsh, stubborn, a force to be reckoned with like the Deputy Chairman he’d met a fall ago. They were like snow falling down, slow but when they touched your skin, the feeling lingered there. And sometimes it felt like Boris was afraid, like Valery would disappear, like he would break. 

They didn’t feel the intensity, the rush, the secrecy like they had felt back in Chernobyl anymore. Here, they felt different things, things that Valery was glad for. 

Relief was hard to reach in their old age but Boris was a stubborn man. And again, they were breathing hard again each other, vodka, tobacco blending in with the cold air, their spent in Boris’ palm. 

“I don’t want you to go.” Valery spoke with mist in his eyes. “Please don’t go.” 

But Boris knew better than to lie, so silence draped over them like a blanket and when the next morning came, they would kiss and say farewell. Because none of them knew if they would ever meet each other again. 

This wasn’t love, Valery mused falling asleep, this was just him and Boris.


End file.
